


Lost

by Fire_Cat



Series: Lost and Found [4]
Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Aliens, Angst, Gen, Grieving, Hurt/Comfort, Military, Seperation, So much angst, Ugh, i guess, loss of a loved one, so much for fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 09:30:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6848971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fire_Cat/pseuds/Fire_Cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You say that everyday."</p>
<p>"That's because it's true!" Xephos laughed down his comms, making Strife chuckle. "It's absolutely fantastic. I wish you could be here too, I bet you'd love it."</p>
<p>"Space travel isn't really my thing, Xeph. I'm quite happy with my feet on the ground, thanks." Strife smiled.</p>
<p>(In which Xephos and Strife are separated, and neither of them handle it very well.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a big old pile of angst and sadness and stuff that ended up being as long as all three of the fluffy fics preceding it combined. Oops.. ^^;  
> I love it, but, at the same time, why am I so cruel to the characters I love?

"How's space then?"

_"Amazing. Busy. But amazing."_

"You say that everyday."

_"That's because it's true!"_ Xephos laughed down his comms, making Strife chuckle. _"It's absolutely fantastic. I wish you could be here too, I bet you'd love it."_

"Space travel isn't really my thing, Xeph. I'm quite happy with my feet on the ground, thanks." Strife smiled.

_"Well yeah I know. But still, all the stars are so pretty. And there's no lights blotting them out either, so you can always see them, they're always there just outside the window."_ Xephos smiled, leaning against his desk and glancing out the window before returning his gaze to the monitor in front of him. _"It's kinda hard to believe that we're millions of miles apart right now."_

"The wonders of modern technology, Xeph." Strife said, leaning back in his chair. "How long 'till you reach your first stop?"

_"We're pretty much there actually, you can see the planet from the bridge. Captain says we should be in orbit by this evening. 's all very exciting."_ Xephos grinned, clapping his hands together at the thought. Strife was about to speak before another voice sounded on Xephos' end.

_"Brindley, are you busy?"_

_"No, just chatting. Why?"_ Xephos asked, looking off-screen at whoever it was that was talking to him.

_"Think you could lend me a hand quick, there's been a minor technical fault up on the bridge, 's nothing serious but it's so bloody fiddly, need about eight hands to fix."_

Xephos chuckled. _"Yeah sure, I'll be right down.. Up? Um."_

_"Up, Brindley, the bridge is above us from down here."_ Xephos merely shrugged. _"See you in a sec."_

Xephos nodded before turning back to Strife on the monitor. _"I gotta go, talk to you later."_

"Minor technical fault?" Strife said simply, curious and slightly worried.

_"Oh relax. It's nothing. Probably just the lights breaking or a fuse blowing. The wiring up there is stupidly complex and fiddly so it's pretty hard to work with on your own."_ Xephos smiled, completely calm and relaxed.

"Yeah, course, sorry. See you later. Love you." Strife smiled, trying not to look at all nervous, even though he'd been living with a mild sense of dread ever since Xephos had left.

_"Love you too."_ Xephos grinned, blowing a kiss before closing the call. Leaving Strife sat in silence. Alone again.

* * *

That evening, Strife decided to try to call again. He was lying on his bed, tablet in hand and glasses perched on his nose as he called. He sat there waiting for Xephos to pick up, expecting it to be almost instant like it usually was. Instead, it took almost a minute for a picture to appear, and even then, it was filled with static and noise coming from all over the place, Xephos' face was just about visible behind the distortion, though the angle was odd and he was moving around. His eyes were visibly much paler than usual though, and his freckles were scattered with white. There was blue blood on his face, and it was definitely his.

"Xeph?" Strife asked, rather confused.

_"Now's not a good time."_ Came Xephos' voice from the other end, crackling and distorted, but still audibly panicked.

"Xeph, are you ok?" Strife said quickly, sitting upright, suddenly very tense and afraid.

_"I'm fine just-"_ He paused as what sounded like yelling came from elsewhere on the ship. _"-Just helping out, you know, dealing with stuff and--things."_

"Xeph, what's happening? Why is there so much noise?" The panic in Strife's voice was rising.

_"It's fine-_ " He stopped as a loud bang was heard, and he appeared to stumble forward, catching himself on something. _"-Well, it's not, but it's under control.. I think.."_

_"Brindley, get over here right now!"_ Came another voice from elsewhere, only just audible over all the commotion.

_"I'm trying!"_ Xephos snapped back, red light flickering across his face for a moment. _"Will, I gotta go."_ He said quickly, his voice back to its previous volume.

There was another bang, and Xephos was visibly thrown against the wall. " _Shit._ " He cursed, wincing, before looking down at the camera, diamond eyes full of fear, unknowingly meeting Strife's emerald gaze. He swallowed hard before he spoke again. _"I love you, Will."_ He choked before ending the call.

Strife's tablet screen went black and he dropped it onto his lap, hands covering his mouth as he stared down at the blank display. He could feel himself shaking, the light in his eyes dimming, his freckles had started to turn white.

"Fuck." He muttered. "What the hell just happened..?"

* * *

The next two days passed incredibly slowly. Strife spent his time pacing back and forth across the apartment, trying desperately to get in contact with Xephos, but without success.

He was restless, he couldn't sit still for more than five minutes before he needed to get back up again, he hadn't slept much as a result. He was sick with worry, could barely eat without feeling nauseous.

He'd tried to contact mission control, but they wouldn't answer his calls. He didn't have the nerve to try to talk to Xephos' parents, to see if they knew what was going on. The news was always on in the background, just in case something came up that could answer his questions. So far, nothing had, and that just made him even more afraid.

On the third day, Strife finally got his answer, but it was not at all what he wanted to hear.

Strife was stood in the living room as the early morning news came on, he stood in the middle of the room, fidgeting on the spot, staring at the screen.

_"Breaking News."_ Said the news anchor, a dark-skinned, yellow eyed woman with short dark hair, special filters on the camera blocking out the glow of her eyes. _"A military patrol and research vessel has gone missing whilst travelling to a mostly unexplored planet."_ Strife's breath caught in his throat. _"Contact with the crew was lost three days ago, and the ship itself vanished from radar earlier this morning. The craft is believed to have gotten stuck in the planet's orbit, before being dragged to the surface, It is unlikely that the crew, consisting of fifteen people, could have survived if this is the case,"_ An image of the crew appeared on the screen, and stood two from the left, arms crossed across his chest, eyes shining and a huge grin across his face, was Xephos. A slight smile onto Strife's face as he saw the picture, Xephos looked so happy, so proud.. _"All fifteen crew members are considered deceased unless further information proving otherwise appears._ " Profile images of each crew member appeared, all fifteen lined across the screen. Each with a straight face, right hand against their chest in salute, the starship insignia near the tips of their fingers, their names written beneath their respective image. Xephos was on the second row, straight-faced but eyes still bright. _"Our thoughts are with all of those effected by this tragedy."_ The woman said as she reappeared on the screen. The text at the bottom of the screen changed, and she started talking about something else.

Strife felt numb, like everything around him had just stopped. "..No.." He murmured, taking a step back and dropping down onto the sofa. His tablet, which had barely left his hand in the past three days, slipped from his grip and fell to the floor with a thud. "...No..." He leant forward against his knees, head in his hands, breathing deeply to try to steady his racing heart, but he was shaking, his mind was racing, tears gathering in his eyes, his freckles darkening to a deep blue. "...No...Xeph...No..."

And then, very suddenly, it all hit him, crashed into him like a tidal wave. The tears spilled from his eyes as he closed them tight, pulling his legs up onto the sofa and curling up as small as he could. "NoOo.." He choked, dark blue seeping into his eyes. " _NoOOooo!_ " He cried, tears streaming down his face as he fell onto his side, curled up like a child as he wept, cried until his throat hurt and there were no more tears left..

* * *

_"This is disastrous.."_

_"A spaceship did crash here.."_

_"I know but, it's awful, bodies and blood everywhere.."_

_"Wonder what kind of tech I can find here."_

_"..Typical...Um.. Lal?..."_

_"Yeah, what is it?"_

_"I think.. I think this one's still alive.."_

_"What?!"_

* * *

The first thing Xephos realised when he woke, was that he wasn't dead. He couldn't quite remember what had happened, his memory was nothing more than shouts and explosions, before blacking out completely.

The second thing Xephos realised, was that his entire body ached, a much sharper pain across his forehead and down his right arm, his breathing was uneven, and each intake of air sent pain shooting across his lungs.

The third thing Xephos realised, was that he wasn't alone. There was someone sat near him, and as he started to stir, they started to speak. _"Hey, hey you ok, friend? Can you hear me?"_ Came a high-pitched yet soft voice speaking a strange, alien language that Xephos couldn't understand. _"Hello?"_ The voice sounded far away, distant and slightly muffled. Xephos' eyes flickered open, letting off a dull blue glow, he looked to his left, where the voice had come from, and as his vision came into focus, he saw a small, ginger haired person sitting beside him, watching him closely with soft brown eyes. _"Hey there, friend. Finally awake huh. Can you hear me ok, can you understand me?"_ The person said, smiling at him. Xephos narrowed his eyes slightly, not quite sure how to say that he didn't understand. _"I'm gonna take that as no."_ The person said, frowning slightly, but not taking their eyes off of Xephos.

Xephos tried to speak, knowing that he wouldn't be understood, but he still wanted to try. "I- Where am I?" He croaked, his voice hoarse, his throat sore. The ginger haired person tilted their head, biting their lip.

_"Um.. Sorry, mate, I don't understand you either.."_ They said, shrugging.

Xephos thought for a moment, before he remembered something very important, a very useful piece of tech that should, hopefully, still be on his uniform. He just about managed to sit up, putting his weight on his left arm, despite the pain, he reached across his chest with his right hand, feeling for the little badge insignia that all the military personnel wore whilst on duty. His trembling fingers found the badge, and pressed against it, it lit up for a moment with a white light before it faded again. "It still works." Xephos smiled, light returning to his eyes, he looked back at the person next to him, who now looked rather shocked. "You can understand me?"

"Y-Yeah.. How did you do that?" They said, still looking surprised and a bit confused.

"Just simple translation tech." Xephos smiled, his voice still rough, pointing at the badge on his chest. "I'm so glad it still works."

"Well, it certainly makes things easier." The ginger said, nodding their head slightly. "My name's Honeydew, by the way. My friend Lalna and I saw your ship crash, we found you in the wreckage and brought you back here."

"My name's Xephos." Xephos said, laying back down again as his arm started to hurt. "W-What about the others?" He stuttered, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

"The ones we found were.. Well.. Very much dead, I'm afraid.." 'Honeydew' said simply, his tone dropping.

"Oh.." Xephos muttered, looking away from Honeydew.

"You should probably get some sleep," Honeydew said quickly, changing the subject. "you've been through a lot. Your injuries don't seem too bad, but rest will help you feel better quicker.. Probably.."

"Yeah.. Thank you." Xephos said quietly. Honeydew stood up from his chair, though he didn't gain any height from doing so, if anything he lost some.

"If you need anything, Lalna and I will be around so just, just shout." Honeydew smiled, showing slightly wonky teeth behind his bushy ginger beard.

"Yeah." Xephos nodded as he looked back at Honeydew. "Thank you." He said again, just managing a smile. Honeydew's smile widened slightly before turning and walking out the room. Xephos laid his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep. Though it wasn't peaceful, attacked by nightmares of what had happened on the ship. Engine failures, the ship being struck from the outside, panicked yells and screams.. Tearful 'I love you's..

* * *

_-knock knock-_

"Mom, there's somebody at the door!"

"Yes I heard. Who's knocking at this time in the evening though?"

"Probably nobody of importance."

Strife heard his mother and one of his sisters talking from inside the house, a few seconds later the door opened, and Strife's mother stood there, staring up at her son, a slight look of confusion crossed her face before she smiled.

"William? What are you doing here?" She said, looking pleased but sounding puzzled.

"H-Hi mother.." Strife stuttered, trying his best to fight back the lump in his throat, and forcing a smile. His mother saw right through it though.

"Will, darling, what's wrong?" Mrs Strife asked, putting her hand on Strife's shoulders and tilting her head slightly.

"I-- I don't know what to do." Strife said, his voice cracking.

"What do you mean, sweetheart?" Mrs Strife said softly, the light in green eyes dimming.

"Will?" Came another voice, his sister's voice, as she poked her head into the corridor, she immediately saw the distraught look on her brother's face and she frowned. "Who hurt my little brother?"

"Nobody." Strife said quickly, looking at his sister.

"Then what's happened?" Said Mrs Strife.

"Xephos he.." Strife paused as he took a deep breath, looking down at his feet, desperately trying to hold back the tears that were forming in his eyes, though knowing that his freckles were shifting to a dark blue colour. "He's.. He's dead." He choked, tears escaping his eyes and running down his cheeks, though he quickly wiped them away. The words just didn't sound right, they didn't sound true. His mother brought her hands up to her mouth and stared at her son, wide-eyed.

"What? How?" She said breathlessly.

"H-His ship c-crashed." He stammered, barely able to get his words out. "H-He's gone, n-nobody could s-survive that.." He paused as he took a shaky breath, his hands trembling in his pockets. "I-I've lost him."

"Oh my poor baby." Mrs Strife breathed as she pulled him into a hug, holding him tight as he reached his hands around her, bending down just enough to press his head against her shoulder, letting the tears in his eyes run down his cheeks.

"I-I don't know what to do.." He sniffed, his voice quiet as she gently rubbed his back with one hand. "What am I-- What am I supposed t-to do without h-him..?"

"Oh Will, don't worry about that now. Just grieve, it's ok to be upset when you lose someone you love." Mrs Strife said softly. Will stood up straight again and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

"C-Can I.. Stay here, for a little while. Please. I-I don't think I can--I can stay in the apartment.. E-Everywhere I look I just.. See him standing there and it... It hurts." Strife said, his voice still shaking.

"Of course you can sweetheart. That's perfectly fine. You can stay here as long as you like."

Strife just managed a smile. "Thank you."

* * *

Time passed. And Xephos soon got set into a routine. This planet, 'Minecraftia', as the natives called it, was quite strange compared to Lumi, but he was adjusting well to his situation and it didn't take him long to get used to the differences. He'd begun to learn the native language without the help of his translators. It was tricky, the two languages were so different, but he was getting there, and would teach his new friends the odd phrase of Lumian from time to time as well.

But despite the fun he was having, the friends he was making the things he was learning. He constantly felt as if there was something he was forgetting. As if there was someone he was forgetting.

"So, you went to like, the fanciest, most expensive university in the country? How?" Lalna asked one evening, as the two were chatting over drinks. Xephos had learnt that the blonde was a keen, if not somewhat reckless, scientist. Destructive at times but well-meaning and kind. And very, very interested in Lumian technology.

"Let's just say that my parents are rather on the wealthy side." Xephos smiled. "It was quite funny actually, I was only at the university 'cos my parents could pay the fees and insisted I go there, I had to do well of they'd complain. But Will was offered a fucking scholarship, like, full expenses paid and everything. It was always 'study first have fun later' with him. He didn't want to waste the opportunity." Xephos chuckled.

"Will? You've never mentioned him before." Lalna said, suddenly seeming rather confused.

"Haven't I? Odd, we were always pretty.. Close.." Xephos trailed off as he finished, suddenly realising what it was that he'd been forgetting.

"Well you haven't mentioned him to me at any rate. Still, full scholarship, that's impressive, must be a pretty smart guy then huh." Lalna smiled.

"..Yeah.." Xephos murmured, pressing his knuckles to his lips as everything clicked together in his mind.

"Xephos? Are you ok?" Lalna asked as he noticed the rather distant look on Xephos' face.

"How.. How could I forget about him..?" Xephos muttered. His freckles darkening and the light in his eyes dimming.

"What?" Lalna said, now sounding slightly concerned.

"Oh Gods.. I-I'm never going to see him again. Or-- or any of my family or friends.. T-they'll think I'm dead." Xephos stuttered, his voice cracking as his tail looped itself around him. "I-I lied to him. I-I promised him I'd b-be ok.. T-This is all my f-fault." He moved his hand away from his mouth and covered his eyes with it, fighting back the tears that had started to form.

"Heey," Lalna said softly, placing one hand on Xephos' back. "This isn't your fault. You had no way of knowing that your ship would crash. And I'm sure your friends and family back home know that." He continued, just managing a smile.

"I know but.. W-Will said s-so many--so many times that-that just as long as I came h-home safe. He---he didn't care what h-happened. A-And I couldn't--I couldn't even do th-that." Xephos said, constantly tripping on his words as he spoke.

"This guys pretty important to you huh." Said Lalna, frowning slightly.

"I love him so much." Xephos breathed, moving his hand away from his eyes but still not making eye contact with Lalna. "But he's gonna think I'm dead.. He's gonna think he's lost me. I wish--I wish I could just tell him that I'm ok." Xephos said as his voice started to steady again. Though he was still blinking away tears.

Lalna sighed, moving his hand away from Xephos. He wasn't quite sure what to say.

Xephos wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt before standing up.

"Xephos?" Lalna said, watching Xephos stand up.

"I'm gonna-Gonna go get some sleep." Xephos said simply, keeping his as voice as flat as he could and still not meeting Lalna's gaze.

"Yeah, sure. See you tomorrow." Lalna said as he watched Xephos leave without another word.

* * *

Strife spent the next month and a half living with his parents. His sisters would occasionally drop by, offering him support and cuddles, as older sisters do.

The first week or two were the hardest. Everything seemed to remind him of Xephos. He never left the house, barely even left his room, which was still exactly the same as it had been when he'd moved out. He'd spend hours going through photos and videos he had of them together. It hurt, but at the same time, it helped. His mind flooded with memories of happier times.

Gradually though, he began to recover, began to get on with his life again. He'd leave the house to run errands for his parents, go for walks around the area, even went out for drinks with his father, they were small things, but it helped. He started to get back to work too, something that he'd been neglecting ever since he'd lost contact with Xephos. It helped distract him from the issue, if nothing else.

He eventually decided to sell the old apartment, he couldn't bring himself to live there anymore. He went there with his sisters to go through all the stuff he and Xephos had collected over the years. Sorting through things to keep and stuff to throw out. It had been a difficult task, and not just because everything seemed to bring back memories that left a lump in his throat. But also because there was just _so much stuff_. Strife had never quite realised how much junk he and Xephos had managed to hoard in the otherwise small apartment. It was rather baffling to find things that he didn't even know existed tucked at the backs of draws or hidden behind the sofa. It had taken all day to sort through everything, leaving the place looking remarkably bare and unlived in, almost like it had looked when they first moved in..

Strife looked around for a new place to move, and eventually found a small apartment on the other side of the city. It wasn't great, but it was good enough to suffice.

From there, he got back to focusing on his career, putting his degrees to good use, just as he had originally planned.

Most of the stuff he'd taken from the old apartment was either left in his parent's basement, or put in storage in the new apartment. Except for one thing, the only remnant of the time they'd spent together that Strife left on show. A picture of Xephos and him from the first New Years they'd spent together. Both smiling, eyes shining, clueless as to what would tear them apart one day. But happy, happy in the moment and hoping for an equally as happy future together.. A future that was now impossible..

* * *

" _..Sometimes, I look up at the sky on a clear night.. The stars all look so different here.."_

_"..I see you up there, soaring through the sky in your spaceship.."_

_"..You're so far away now.."_

_"..You're gone.. And I'm never going to see you again.."_

_"..You don't even know that I'm still alive.."_

_"..I wish you were still here, with me.."_

_"..But.. I'll always love you.."_

_"..Like you loved the stars.."_

_"..Forever and always.."_

_ _


End file.
